When this decade started, I had just received my Master’s Degree in Business and Communication. I was headed out to Vietnam to give myself time to think about what I wanted to do with this degree and use my skills to make life better for children who weren’t born as lucky as myself. My life there was eye-opening, heart opening and warm (in more than one way). I loved it so much that when I had to leave, I was desperately trying to find a job there that could keep me there for a little while longer. I didn’t succeed, but went back home only to be thrown (literally) into my life’s darkest hole. 

They say that in order to truly see light, you have to be in a very dark place. That in order to experience accelerated growth, you have to dive deep deep into the mud first. Comfort doesn’t take us anywhere. 

So I dived…… 

And I learned. 

There was a time when I started meditating. I remember I was sitting up listening to my breath. The guide was only 5 minutes, but I never made it through. I kept falling asleep or had to put my head down on a pillow. I practised. and practised. and practised. I don’t remember when it happened, but at some point, I was able to sit for 45 minutes without falling asleep. 

I started regular yoga classes. The softest and most restorative kind there is. I started being able to read books, 1 page per day at first, then more. I used a white piece of paper to keep my eyes from flickering from all the dancing letters. I read Anthony Robbins, Abraham Hicks, Timothy Ferris. I did every single exercise in their books. I remember one exercise in particular. I think it was from ‘The Secret’. It was quite simple, but blew my mind! We attract what we are looking for. So before transitioning to a new situation, decide what you are looking for. Like looking for smiles and happy people when you enter a new room. I had just had a day where people around me where so grumpy and nobody looked happy, so I tried it out. I decided to look for smiles, and I kid you not, that entire day, I only saw smiling people. I didn’t notice all the others. They were most likely there, but I didn’t see them. So I tried another exercise from the book. It was about imagining what you want. I imagined that there was a parking space for my bike when I reached my destination. There was ONE. Right in front of the door. I tried it again, and every time, there was just ONE parking space and just where I needed it. It got me curious and I practised it for a long time. I don’t know why I stopped, really… Maybe I should give it another go, or maybe it is ingrained in me now… 

My turning point

The first few years of this decade were quite a blur and I find it hard to remember what happened when. But I went through many different therapies and doctors in order to get back on my feet. I spent thousands of kroner and slowly got better. But what was my turning point was ….. letting go. Letting go of the expectation of getting back to where I was. The day I let go of that, was the day I started feeling better. I decided to trust that there was a deeper meaning with all this. That what was happening was happening for a reason and that I would only know later. I was so right. I see the point now. 

Through my own mind and body, I learned about the connection between the two and how everything I did, everything I thought about, everything I was eating had an effect on my body and mental state. I learned which foods to eat and not eat. I learned about Chinese Medicine, about the spine, the nervous system. I learned and learned, but still couldn’t explain any of it (I may not even be able to today).

There was one day, I was in a yoga class and paused in the middle of it (I think I was in downdog or something) and just listened to all those cues the teacher was telling me and how they all made sense and did wonders in my body. It was right then and there that my first swift thought of becoming a yoga teacher was born. It was gone as quickly as it came, because I was not in a state where I could have remembered half of those cues, so I quickly put it behind me. 

But when I came home…. I googled kids yoga anyway. Because I thought “children don’t ask so many difficult questions – maybe it is easier to teach them”. HAHAHAHAHA. I got wiser… Well, it resulted in my first module of Kids Yoga Teacher Trainings and after the first module I started my own business. I was sure that this was what had been waiting for me all along. I finished the trainings just 4-5 months after I started, because I was lucky to get into two last-minute openings. I managed to get my business up and running and spent every coin I had on more trainings. I did a training of yoga for the special child, Connected Kids (meditation), I became a Goal Mapping Practitioner (someone who helps others reach their goals, basically), I went on a heart-opening journey with Sianna Sherman in 2015/16 as part of the first batch of 300-hour Yoga Teachers of Rasa Yoga – probably the most heart-opening, transformation I have ever been through (in the magical way) and then finally I managed to become a Totum Body Therapist just before giving birth to my daughter. This education let all those Chinese Medicine, Zonetherapy, Body Wisdom things come together and I am now able to actually use all this knowledge and understanding and feeling into, to help other people go through their transformations and letting go, and finding their way into their light and their joy. 

WOW! And that is what this decade has been about. 

I don’t really know where in the decade we are now. Hmm.. It is quite a blur this entire decade, but somehow it has transformed me so much. There was one birthday, I think it may have been my 30th birthday. I had invited my dear colleague and friend Pernille to come do a ritual with me. I felt I needed that, so it is most likely my 30th.. It was new moon that day, the beginning of a new cycle. My birthday is in january, so it was the first new moon of that year too and I think it was a super moon on top of that. This means that it was a very potent day. I had gotten a wish bracelet from my sister for Christmas. I was supposed to wish, then tie it to my wrist firmly and when that wish came true, it would fall off. Pernille was there, I drew some cards from a bundle. It was past, present and future. It all made so much sense that it was giving me goose bumps. I then wished that I would break out from my cocoon and fly like a butterfly, I clearly imagined the butterfly and felt how it would feel to finally feel so good that I could break out and share my beautiful self with the world. We tied the bracelet onto my wrist, firmly. Pernille can be trusted in this! Then I lay down and she did a cleaning of my body and said some spells and all these things a modern witch does. I imagined myself flying like a butterfly while lying there and when I got up, I sat down to write.. I wrote in my book about what I had experienced and when I put the book down and turned to Pernille in silence, I noticed something on the floor. I looked at my wrist in disbelief. The bracelet had already fallen off. We laughed. 

This is what this decade has done for me. I have been in my cocoon for almost half of it. Something was stirring. I needed to reinvent myself. But no force could ever do that. I had to wait. I had to give it time and I am still not done. I don’t think I will ever be done. But I am shaping and shedding layers all the time in order to get closer and closer to my inner core. The part of me that is so tender and so wise. The part of me that is full of trust, and light, and joy. The truest version of me that I have been so afraid to show, because what if the world didn’t like it? What if my innermost self was rejected by the world. That would hurt too much.

I feel the urge to share more now than ever. 

At the moment, I think I am in the process of shedding the layer of wanting everything to seem perfect before I share it. Not that I want to make people think that my life is perfect. That layer is long gone. But an effective way that I have always been able to stand in my own way is by wanting to do things perfectly. I seem to think that I need to look things through once more. That I need to know all the little details first or need to know what my plan is several years out there in the future. 

I know now that every big accomplishment happens one step at the time. One step. If I focus on the next ten steps, I will feel overwhelmed and never get even the first step done. 

So, the next decade, the 2020’s, will be about taking the next step one step at the time. Keeping my visions and goals as a direction, but focusing on just that which is next. It is a time for me to rise. A time to use all that the 2010’s have taught me. But who am I to know what the 2020’s have in stall for me? I could never ever have imagined or foreseen what happened in the 2010’s. 

I think the biggest lesson for me this past decade is that I will never know what the next moment will bring. So whatever I choose to do, I do it with all my heart and find ways to enjoy it. Even when I sit down to do my book keeping.. Haha.